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| what to do with what you know once you know it though, thats the battle
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| i wish i knew what to do in every aspect in life
i dont know what i want to do and if ill be happy with my decisions in the long run or not
i dont have any guidance. i cant get any guidance because i need to think things out in my head on my own.
its really hard making a decision and sticking with it. thats the hardest part. sticking with your decision. not going back on it and just following through with it. when i keep going back and forth, i cant progress in anything and move forward but just remain in the same spot. how do i make everyone around me happy? how do i make myself happy? i wish i knew. i dont know what the future holds but i wish i could see how any decision i make right now would affect me down the line and which is the best decision. i dont know. and im scared to even make a permanent decision because its too scary and too bold of a move but i have to eventually in order to move forward from the place im in right now.
i used to always know what the next move was in life. and now, for once, i dont. im completely lost. and its a scary place to be in. i feel stuck in this uncertain place and cant seem to get myself out of it.
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| babies babies babies everywhere...Alhumdulillah!!! IM SO EXCITED to play with all the babies that have come and are coming soon inshAllah in the family cuz theyre sooo cute and small and adorable and fragile and innocent and i hella want one of my own now too...dammit babies are SO cuuuuute
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| why only reflect when there is death? why not when there is life...just the normal mundane life we are so used to and take granted of?
i'm so thankful for everything...just everything. its important to make peace with everything going on in your head and in your heart. anger and hatred and jealousy....holding on to all of these things is like scarring yourself on the inside...and you can't truly shine on the inside until you learn to deal with these things and actually come to peace with all of them. what's important is to not dwell in the negative as most of us do since we are all human, but to recognize all that you do have, all that is surrounding you, all those that are there for you, are sincere in their relationships with you, have no ulterior motives, lead their own life and help you lead yours in the best way possible but the key word is help, not try to lead your life for you. be good for yourself, be good to others, and sacrifice your own selfish needs if they are hurting other individuals. learn from your past, and avoid hypocrisy.avoid judgmentalism.avoid lies.avoid control.avoid plotting.avoid scheming.avoid evil.
Alhumdulillah...just a few months left iA and it's such a nostalgic feeling...such a depressing feeling tho...breaks your heart. but then because of that time pressure, you try to make the most of what is left. and there are some really good people who i've come across...with such good hearts and such understanding mentalities that it really makes you want to strive to be like that as well.
09 will find some way to keep it together even afterwards...we jus coo like that
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| "what the hell"
....the only words that would come outta my mouth for the longest time
when i heard the news. could not come up with anything else at all. all
i could think back to was the first time i met her in GATE in the 3rd
grade and then in westmoor...giving her a pakistani name Saima cuz she
looked like one....being her ASB Secret Santa and rememberin exactly
what i got for her cuz i hella tried to make sure she'd like it...a
turquiose shrug and a pic of her dream man...she was so excited about
havin his picture. jus rememberin her laugh and extra cheesy smile and
the way she'd be like umber maaaaan.
it wasnt real seeing her. and it still isnt. cant get it outta my head.
just pray for her and her family. inshAllah she's at peace now.
whats the best way to deal with someones loss...juss remember them in
good thoughts. whats the point of sitting there n being upset the whole
time...as hard as it is, its more important to be happy that you got
whatever moments you did with that person and smile when you look back.
21 was too young of an age for you to go....so unexpected...but everything happens for a reason and this was your time.
you'll definitely be missed Eirene.
RIP 3-19-08.
"To Him we belong, and to Him we return."
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